Extroverts. You likely wake up and crave to “just be around somebody today.” You need that in-the-same-room-with-me feeling that only real human bodies can give. Extended alone time gives you a lonely, ‘left out of the loop’ emotion within. Pure happiness for some extroverts? A video blasting away, friends talking in that same room, with food and drink available to all.
Introverts. Almost the opposite needs in their life. Rather sit on a bed of angry ants with a book in hand, than have to endure crowded noisy rooms for a long time. They just need to simply be alone. For at least a little while, please!
Unfortunately, as life seems to like to play cruel jokes on us, these polar opposites seem to attract and marry. And then they can end up spending years glaring at each other with one thought on their brains, “What in the heck happened to you?! I thought you knew me and what I wanted in life.”
And if some open and honest conversation doesn’t begin, and real soon, a wall begins to build. And I ain’t talking about a fortress that protects their union. This wall between them gets thicker and stronger with every misunderstanding. Too many times completely blocking communication and finally causing the plaintive feeling, “I don’t really know why, but I just don’t care for my spouse any more. I think I need out.”
So spouses, start talking before that bad ending. But first, begin with real soul-searching for what you are needing in your marriage, and then blurt it out to your spouse. Who does the same for you. Sounds scarey? I imagine it does. Especially if you have never done that before – just opening up and letting your true feelings fall out your mouth and into the ears of the one who has the power to hurt you.
But that is exactly what needs to happen, so that the extrovert spouse can finally understand why their introvert spouse rarely agrees to have the whole gang over for a fun evening. Why natural introverts invariably find a quiet hidey hole in a side room when they are forced to suffer thru someone else’s party. And why their spouse dreads hearing the words, “Just stay home tonight and watch TV with me. For one lousy night, can’tcha?!”
Folks, if you find yourself in some of this, do your relationship a big favor. Get honest, and tell your partner what you are feeling. Then listen. And try to understand their point of view. And then, gasp!! start working on a compromise that will work for both of you.
Neither of you are wrong. In your need of alone time, or in your need for people. You are just made differently by your Creator. And remember, He never makes any mistakes when He creates a person. Or as the famous singer, Ethel Waters, once said, “God don’t make no junk.”